Let me explain my yesterdays post a little to you.
I woke up in a miraculous mood knowing that this is the day I get my neuroortoses. I was so looking forward to receiving them and I was so excited.
It was sunny and I went outside. The excitement was high and the spasm was amplified. Spasm is basically muscle tone. A tension in a resting muscle and it gets a boost even from my very small emotion. Luckily, for me it’s not that bad and it won’t hurt me in general (only sometimes), but there are people whose spasm is so strong that they are constantly in pain.
Anyway, I received those neuroorthoses. The excitement was huge and I was so happy. I thought to myself okay, now in no time, I can normally move again. I came back to my room to test them out. I tried and tried over and over and over again. In doing so, the mood began to get sadder and worse.
First, it's leg orthosis. The smaller leg orthosis didn't suit me because it didn't have the features my leg needed. Meaning, my leg is in a worse condition than we had hoped. I had to take a bigger leg orthosis and it is so big that it can barely fit under joggers - goodbye jeans and leggings, etc. And the hand was so spastic that it did not extend.
See for yourself from video what happened.
Questions began to arise in my head more and more as to why it happened to me, how did I deserve the stroke, and is that really my life now.
I threw these new and fancy neuroorthoses into the corner and just cried. In fact, I hadn't cried in so long because I had nothing to cry about and I've really been the positive girl you've seen. But over time, some small emotions still accumulate in our brain, which we don't even realise. So I cried a lot.
Every little thing I thought about made me cry.
I was able to calm down a bit and opened Instagram. I looked at a lot of different stories and since I follow a lot of sports people, I saw people being active. It made me sad and even angry that I am unable to do one or the other. What was interesting, however, was that the envy and anger that arose in me made me want to heal and be well again even mire (I didn't know it was even possible to want it even more than I already did, but came out it was!).
And then I started to wonder how many people don't actually use the privilege, they're given, to move and be active. They think that ah can’t be bothered or have no time, when seriously, if one series was left unwatched (is that even a word 😂), it could be done.
How awful it is that people doesn’t understand how lucky they are to have all four limbs working perfectly and to be otherwise healthy.
In the evening I made a video call with my friend, by which time I had calmed down. But as soon as my friend saw my face, she asked what was wrong and I automatically started crying again. The cool thing is that she has the same opinion that I have and that the negative emotions need to be let out of the body. I said I didn't want to cry anymore, but she encouraged me to cry saying don't hide your face, come cry in front of the camera! 😁 And so I laughed and cried there, not realizing what exactly I should feel now.
At this point, I would also like to remind you that crying is very good. Crying is like a weakness coming out of the body. And that weakness is the negative emotions you haven't excreted that are now dragging you down!
I know, I was the one who refused to show my emotions. That is hard. How can I show that I am weak? But now I have realized that weakness really is the fear of showing my emotions. We are human beings. Emotions are part of us. But what emotions you collect in you is up to you. And let me tell you that, you don't want to collect negative emotions.
After more than an hour long video call where we had discussed a lot of things in the world, I felt so good again. We don’t talk so often because the pace of life is so different, but if we do, it's as if we haven't missed a day and the topics we're discussing are so wall to wall.
I hope you all have at least one such friend! ♥ ️
After that outburst of emotions, I was able to sleep insanely well, and this morning I woke up again with good mood. The first thing I did was take out the neuroorthoses and start experimenting again. They also work much better today in cooperation with my body.
Long story short. We all have better and worse days. It's okay. And don't keep the negative emotions in you.