As a 19-year-old girl entering the wide world, I had a plan in my head - I would travel for a few years, study, work, set up a business, travel, buy my own home, husband, children (yes, I really wanted to be a young mother), travel, etc.
Instead, life, as always, decided in a completely different way. I traveled, studied/worked, learned a new thing, worked, studied a new thing, had a stroke, recovered (still doing it), introduced myself to a new thing and now I'm working - let’s see what else life has in store for me. I don't have my own home. I have no business. I don't have a husband. And I have no children.
Today is just a few months away from my 30th birthday. And I can't tell if time flies or is ‘oh so slow’, because today I celebrate my third birthday. Yes. Today. 3 years ago. I had a stroke. This journey has been very difficult and with crazy ups and downs, because if I was an emotional person before, then now I am even more so!
In these three years, I have changed so much as a person. I must be a better person thanks to all the self-help books, podcasts, breathings, meditations, etc., but my soul is trapped in this flawed body. So, personally, I would not say that I am better. I myself feel that I am now an extra broken person and I face mental health problems daily. And truth be told. Recently, they have started to get worse again.
You would think that by now I'm used to my new reality, but no, and more and more I want to hide from society. It's hard to go in the crowds - even going to the grocery store gives me unpleasant feelings! LIKE WHAT?! To me?! For a person who loved being the center of attention!! Weird turns life takes.
Yes, if I'm invited somewhere, I have to accept the challenge, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to improve the situation at all and the problem would get even worse, but it sure is difficult. I just performed on Saturday. Half an hour on stage and I came home to fight sleep until it won at 7 pm because mentally I was so finished! Me! Who could have talked people to death and who actually fed off the crowds?
So yes. Huge self-shame has arisen, fear of communicating with people, walking on the streets, being a bad person, expressing myself, and thus constant anxiety, and all this is accompanied by stress, etc. My friend and I were just talking about this topic and she said well: "Think of how good it would be to be crazy. Only your loved ones would have a hard time. However, you wouldn’t understand that anything is wrong! 😂”
Funny, but actually I'm covered in gold that my mind is in order because the aforementioned concerns can be dealt with! I just went on a big spree to improve my mental health. When this gadget reaches me and I have already been helped by it myself, I plan to do a small side business with it so that you can get help too! So follow me on Instagram to keep up to date with what it's all about etc, because as you can see, I've already given up the blog domain and also the paid web hosting. In other words, I think this post will be my last here.
And since it was asked at the mental health festival, I will share here at the end some solutions that help me mentally (and have helped me even before the stroke, not only now):
Exercise
A good, proper food
Being matter-of-fact (can't deal with overthinking)
No alcohol and other pleasure substances
Dreamy (mo dog)
Family
Friends
Not reading the news
Only following positive content on social media
Crying
CBD
Psst! With code karmel30 all www.organia.eu oils are -30%!!
Thanks for cheering for me and see you in Instagram! 🫶🏽